"RUNNING, RUNNING/ AS FAST AS WE CAN"

I had a dream where I was jogging earlier this morning :(

I'm in my third round of chemo right now. I got admitted yesterday afternoon, and hopefully this stay will only last until Sunday morning. We will see. They tell me morning time, and I wait until late evening. This stay, I think I'm felling the chemo more, because I felt a big headache right away when they were injecting it yesterday, and today I felt nauseous pretty much the whole day, even after take a bunch of nausea pills. Hmmm maybe that's the problem; maybe I should have take ANTI nausea pills. I kid. I kid.

But yeah, hopefully I get out early on Sunday so I can see the sky explode.

BOOST FOR BREAKFAST, AND ENSURE FOR DESSERT

one of the side effects of my chemotherapy is that my appetite and taste will not all be there. so word of warning: if you bring me food, i might not have the stomach for it! i read that you shouldn't really eat things that you really like during chemo, and the first week or so after it because you begin to associate those foods with how it tasted while undergoing the chemotherapy. since i can't really stomach too much food, i usually drink a nutritional supplement to substitute for a meal.

right now i am just waiting to get discharged from the hospital. they always make me wait so looong. it's 11:20 am right now, and i was hoping to be home sweet home right about this time.

ROUND TWO... FIGHT!

so i'm in the hospital again for my second go around of chemotherapy. this time i'm a little bit more prepared. i actually got to pack this time; last time, i was only supposed to go in for a pet ct scan, but they said they had a room available, so they just admitted in the hospital right after. they said that this stay should last about 5 or 6 days. there's still a lot to do (mostly dealing with stuff for vince and trang's wedding), and i hope i can do most of that stuff in this hospital stay.

yesterday i went ahead and shaved my head bald. it is now smooth as a babies butt (just a saying, because i swear i have never touched any babies buttocks). i got some tips on what to do from jacob and google, and it came off with no problems. i did knick myself on the back of my neck, but that's about it. i don't look too bad, which is reassuring for when i get older and i start to bald (even though i do not really have to worry about that, cause my dad still has a full head of hair, it's just a little bit gray).

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

the first time i shaved my head was probably in the summer of 2002 or 2003. i let clinton cut my hair for some reason (the hell was i thinking?), and i think a day later i realized that i did NOT like it, and i decided to just shave it all off. the last time i had my head shaved was probably my last year at UCSD; it was just easier to shave my head than to go out and get a hair cut, so i would shave it off sporadically through my stay in san diego, and i don't think i've gone to that look ever since.

my hair is finally falling out. well, technically not FALLING out, but its only a matter of time, i guess. before today, i wasn't too worried about losing my hair. i've been bald before, so it's nothing i haven't lived with before. i've never been BALD bald, so i guess it'll be kind of a new look. i found out that i'm starting to lose my long locks while reading an article right at this very desk i'm sitting at (the one in my room). while reading, i just ran my hand through my hair and i noticed it was collecting a good chunk of hair. so i decided to see what was up, and i just started pulling out strands and it came out like nothing! i gotta admit, i was pretty shocked. i was hoping that this particular side effect of the chemotherapy wouldn't kick in until after vince and trang's wedding, but oh well.

it's something that i knew was happening, but it's something new altogether when you actually start to see it. i've been diagnosed with cancer for about 2 or 3 weeks now, and it really never felt like i had cancer. i mean, i've felt the physical pain, and the effects that all of the chemicals/meds have put on my body, but this hair thing might be the thing that hits me the hardest in the realization that i'm living with cancer. maybe.

NEW TV

this morning i got a call from my oncologist (whom is back from vacation), and she basically said that my kidney is doing better; how much better is unknown, but better is always good news. she said my kidney (size?) was a 1.5 something and has gone down to a 1. there's no baseline from what it was, so we don't know HOW good it is. and i'm not even sure what she was talking about cause she woke me up with her call and i was just playing along. my doctor also told me that i need to go in on thursday for even MORE blood tests, because my neupogen levels (?) aren't that great. neupogen is the stuff i inject myself with every morning.

in other news, my uncle bought me a tv the other day. sorry, people that bought me magazines, food, books, stuffed objects, etc., my uncle gets the prize for best cancer gift.

also, my mom was telling my uncle a story about how she went to the mattress store and while driving, she saw a car turned over on its roof. since my vietnamese is HORRIBLE, i pictured a car strapped to a mattress, and that the car flipped over 'cause the mattress was too big/heavy... it took me a while to realize that she probably just meant she saw a car accident while on the way to/from the mattress store.

UROLOGY

yesterday i had an appointment with the urologist at the santa clara kaiser. he basically told me that if the cancer in my kidney doesn't react well to the chemotherapy, i would have to have the kidney removed (which would be the right kidney, i believe), but that is only as a last resort.

HOME ALONE

today was my first full day home back from my first round of chemo. it really does feel good to be home, even though i didnt get to do much. i just felt really tired today, and i hope its cause of the pain medication, and not because of any of the chemo they had me go through. i slept through most of the day, and then my aunts came over to chill for a bit. i tried watching some thirty rock and parks and rec, but i dozed off in between. aah i

m trying to write this with the net book mini dell think wai let me borrow, but the keyboard is all kinds of weird, so i

ll just keep this one short.